Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
