im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
