just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I intend to get homeless drunk
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
