I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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