My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
