So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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