You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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