Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
high people should be assigned attendants
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
