Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just gift wrapped bread.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
