i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
