mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
