last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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