Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
