He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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