Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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