i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
