tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
