My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
