You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
