She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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