Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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