SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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