Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
