He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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