i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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