I seem to have left my pride at pride
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
