some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
