We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
