Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
