I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
