Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
