Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
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I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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