dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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