I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
