If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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