just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
