I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how do flat chested girls get laid?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
