next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
