who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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