i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
