Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
