Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Never underestimate the power of titties
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
