she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
