lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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