i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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