My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
