Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
