Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wanna go halves on a baby?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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