matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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