I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
