Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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