Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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