I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
