Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
