You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
