Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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