I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
