dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
