It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
