Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I love you. Go after that dick
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