I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
third nipple confirmed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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