Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
