wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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