I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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