I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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