Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
God, I missed his penis.
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