It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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