I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
