In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
