I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
