Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
