I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
this is an emotional support booty call
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
